


Losing It

by ghostwhispererfangirl



Series: Canon Stories [2]
Category: Ghost Whisperer
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Marriage, Supernatural Elements, complicated relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-18 16:31:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7322623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostwhispererfangirl/pseuds/ghostwhispererfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of Leap of Faith, Melinda has given up on hope of Sam ever being the Jim she truly loved, with the return of a close friend Sam realizes just what he was going to be missing out on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Meowser_Clancy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meowser_Clancy/gifts).



**A/N:** **For Meowser Hotchner because it's about damn time I return some prompts after everything you've done for me :) Love you 3 Enjoy!** **xx Mariah**

* * *

She was done with everything, with throwing herself out there for Sam to only being hurt more.

He wasn't the Jim

He'd told her that she needed professional help, not that she hadn't been told that by some family or close friend of a ghost she was helping, but to hear it from him. To see it move off the face of the man she loved more than anything broke something deep inside her.

Someone that would never be fixed, even with time.

After telling Sam that he was no longer able to live in her makeshift apartment in her garage, she decided that a cup of tea would help. It's what Jim would always make her after a bad day.

To somehow try and wash her worries away with a warm cup of Chamomile tea, as if that was the reason she felt better afterwards...

* * *

_"Bad day?" Jim asked as she entered their apartment._

_"You don't even want to know," she sighed. "How was your day?"_

_"You know, the usual. I saved some lives and then some," he explained. "I'll make you some tea and then you can tell me all about the day you had, and I'll make it better." Without another word, he sat her down in the lounge chair and took her heels off, pressing a kiss to each ankle as he did so before finding her lips after. "Relax."_

_"Jim-" She sighed.  
_

_"No arguing," he laughed and left the room, the burner could be heard as she reluctantly relaxed into the chair._

_The leather chair was a gift from his mother when they moved in together, it was Jim's favorite place to sit while they watched tv and she would almost always sit on his lap because cuddling was a must when it came to movies._

_"So how was your day?" He asked, sitting on the floor with a bottle of lotion to rub her feet._

_"Hell," she sighed as he began to apply pressure to the balls of her feet. "I can't wait until I can quit this assistant's job. All the DA has me doing is running his stupid errands which leads to me having terrible swollen feet afterward from running around in heels. Once I get my own store when we move, I'm never wearing them again."_

_"Oh honey, you love heels because they make you look taller." He laughed. "You and I both know you'll be wearing these for the extra inches they give you until the end of time."_

_"But so this guy spilled his coffee all over me and made it out to be my fault, the dry cleaner's lady was a raging bitch because I guess it's my fault her husband left her, plus then when I brought Mr. Lockwood his lunch the restaurant put onions in it and I guess that's my fault too." She explained. "I just can't wait until I'm my own boss."_

_"I can't wait either," he said letting her right foot go to stand up as the kettle whistled. "I'll make you forget all about your day once you drink this tea."_

_"You promise?" She chuckled._

_"Of course, and when do I ever not make you forget all about your problems in bed?" He muttered against her lips as he winked and walked into the kitchen._

_She'd never take him for granted._

* * *

The kettle whistled and startled her.

With a quick movement she poured the boiling water into her favorite mug and spun around the tea bag inside absentmindedly.

She missed him, and that was an understatement. The only person she could count on for seven years was gone.

 _He's gone Melinda. That wasn't Jim that was Sam. Jim would never say something like that,_ she reminded herself.

It was the only thing keeping her from losing herself completely.

The doorbell pulled her from her funk as she took a sip of her tea, remembering that she had never put honey or sugar in it.

"Coming," she said and set her mug down as the doorbell was rung again. "I'm coming."

She opened the door to reveal the her old friend, Professor Rick Payne.

"Rick," she whispered, staring at him with something akin to disbelief.

"Melinda, I heard about what happened and I came as quickly as I could." He said, then extended his hands as her face crumpled and a sob broke loose. "Oh Melinda. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve to have lost him." He held her close and rubbed her back. "You'll have to bring me up to speed. Delia said you had to be the one to tell me."

He picked her up and brought her inside, closing the door behind her.

Little did they know they had an onlooker as Sam brought a box of things to his a truck. Something inside Sam tensed, he didn't like the thought of Melinda with another men.

But Melinda had to be delusional, he couldn't be Jim. He just couldn't be, right?

* * *

It took her almost an hour before she stopped crying and began to open up to him again.

She'd missed him so much. He was the first person she'd had talked to after Andrea, and that meant something to her. Of course she loved Delia like a sister, but it was nice to had a man around who wasn't Jim and understood her gift and it's problems.

"So he's Jim?" Rick said looking through the blinds in the kitchen to watch Sam loading boxes into his truck. "Why would he do that?"

"Yes," she answered. "Jim, he loves or loved me enough to try this. I-I didn't even get to say goodbye to him and I may never get the chance to."

"So why are you in here if Jim is out there?" Rick asked as he looked at the blonde hair man. "He couldn't have picked someone who was better looking?"

"He doesn't believe me," she gazed into her tea and took the last sip. "He thinks I'm delusional. The looks don't matter because I don't see Sam," she looked out the window beside him as she fiddled with the mug. "I look into those eyes and I see Jim and I know he's in there somewhere. Sam just... he just doesn't have any faith and that's what he needs for this work."

She brought her mug to the sink and stared into the sudsy water...

* * *

_Her hands were deep into the sudsy water when his arms slipped around her._

_"Jim, oh you're home." She gasped and reached for the towel to dry her hands._

_Since they started living together two months ago, she only saw him sometimes on the weekends because of how busy his schedule was saving lives every night._

_"I missed you so much," she said as he hands found his face. "You're hurt. What happened?"_

_"Long story," he groaned and limped to the couch._

_She helped him down and took his shirt off to find his ribs bruised and burns on his chest._

_"Oh baby," she gasped. "I have all the time in the world to listen to you."_

_"Well you've got me home until my ribs heal," he winced as her fingers grazed over them. "I went into a burning warehouse-ahh- and a beam fell on me."_

_"Why didn't you call me?" She said kissing his chest and ribs. "I'm officially your personal nurse. I'm calling in work and you're on bed rest."_

_"I hope that means dirty things," he chuckled and then winced._

_"Maybe, but let's get you into bed and I"ll go run to the store to get your some bandages and icy-hot." She said standing up and helping him up from the couch._

_"I don't deserve you," he muttered as she helped him into bed._

_After making sure he has the right amount of pillows, is only in his boxers, is tucked in and has a glass of water and the remote for the tv, she sits down next to him._

_"After everything you've done for me, it's my turn to return the favor." She whispers and leans down to kiss him. "You underestimate what you've done for me."_

_His hands cupped her face as they kissed, and she gripped his waist, her fingers curling into the blanked. Her lips moved against his hungrily as his tongue sought hers out, and she moaned into his mouth, leaning over to straddle his hips. His hands tugged at her clothes, her hair, and he hurriedly pushed her sweater off so he could feel the bare skin of her shoulders._

_It wasn't enough, though, and he knew she felt the same when she began rubbing up against him, encouraging him to take the rest off. He obliged, but then pulled the top of her dress down to expose her breasts. He hesitated only briefly, just to be sure, and she grabbed his hands to press her breasts into them, moaning appreciatively when he kneaded them in return, brushing his thumbs against her nipples until they were stiff peaks._

_"I need you now," he moaned, reaching blindly for her waist as he pushed her dress up._

_He needed both hands to shimmy her panties down her legs, and she kicked them off her feet, fisting her hands in his hair to drag his mouth back to hers._

_"Melinda," he said in between strokes of her tongue, wanting to talk but finding it impossible to stop kissing her. "It's been too long since we last had time."_

_She pulled back slightly to look him in the eye, her breasts heaving with her hard breaths, and he couldn't resist cupping them in his hands again._

_"I love you," she groaned._

_Jim dropped his head to her chest, eagerly sucking one of her nipples into his mouth to lavish it with his tongue and teeth, and Melinda groaned loudly, arching against him. Once he was satisfied with his work there, he moved to the other breast to worry the nipple with his mouth, his fingers still plying the other nipple, slickened with his saliva._

_"Jim," she begged, her hands reaching between them to wrestle with his boxers._

_He helped her push his boxer-briefs down to free his cock, releasing a soft sigh when she palmed his shaft and head._

_But she beckoned him between her thighs, hitching her legs around his waist and positioning him at her entrance. His head eased through her folds as he pushed inside her, and they both groaned as he slid in, stopping only when their hips were flush._

_"Oh, my god," she sighed against his neck, and he breathed in kind, locking his hands around the curve of her hips so he could keep her in place as he began thrusting into her._

_She was hot and wet, her walls snug around him, welcoming him inside her every time his hips surged forward to meet hers. Jim's eyes flickered between her face and her breasts and between her thighs where he repeatedly disappeared inside her, unsure what he wanted to watch more. He finally settled on her face, reveling in the expressions of pleasure she emoted; it was sexy and encouraging, and he found himself hurtling way too fast toward his climax._

_Determined, he tossed the skirt of her dress out of the way and dropped his hand between her thighs, his thumb sliding between her folds to find her center._

_Her body jolted when he hit it, her breasts arching upward as her back bowed even further over the bar, and she cried out. He rubbed her in small, firm circles, finding a rhythm between his thrusts and the revolutions of his hand between her legs, her hips rocking against him to spur him on._

_"I'm gonna come," she moaned, her arms giving out as she slumped against him. "Fuck, I'm going to come baby. Oh Jim..."_

_"Me, too," he gasped right as she convulsed around him, her face screwing up in an expression of pained pleasure; she moaned brokenly, her walls spasming around him as she came, and he thrust into her roughly a few more times, stilling when his own orgasm hit him. "Shit Melinda," he groaned quietly, but he braced himself against the bed and waited for him to stop pulsing, filling her up with his cum. Her fingers cut into the muscles of his forearms as she held onto him, and he leaned against her slightly, drawing her into his arms._

_After a moment, once he'd caught his breath, he nuzzled her neck; she turned her face to press her cheek against his, peppering his ear with small kisses._

* * *

"Melinda," Rick called and she looked at him. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said and smiled at him. "I need to go do something."

"Mind if I come?" Rick asked and smiled at her. "I could treat you to a lunch before I go tomorrow."

"Alright," she smiled. "Let's go do lunch. You have me for the day today."

"Well Melinda Gordon, that sounds like fun to me." Rick says and took her hand to bring to the door.

She quickly pulled on her boots and jacket as he brought her toward her car and she unlocked it. Rick's arm slid around her waist and rested nicely on her rear and a smile came to her face. It didn't feel bad. It warmed her a little actually. Jim would want her to move on if he never came back to her, but she didn't know if she could be with Rick. He would be halfway across the world tomorrow.

Sam slowly pushed his last box into the bed of his truck as Rick opened the passenger door to her car for her.

He watched as Rick gently squeezed her behind and smiled at her. How could she move on so quickly? Or was this the next person who she thought could be her husband? How dare she do this in front of me!

Not there I have any right to

Rick wiped away a fallen tear, and Melinda was so overcome with love that she kissed him. Rick seemed surprised, but then he pulled her closer to him, tangling his hands in her hair as he kissed her back with a passion and gentleness she didn't even know he possessed.

When they separated and she felt his eyes on her, her heart fluttered.

"I can't do this," she muttered. "I'm sorry."

"Melinda, I shouldn't have-" Rick stuttered.

"No. Don't apologize," she said backing away slowly. "This is my fault. Everything's always my fault."

She ran off and Rick closed the door of her car.

"You forgot your keys Mel," Rick sighed and looked over at Sam. "Can you give these to her? I need to get going."

"Uh sure," Sam muttered and walked toward him. "I need to give her the key to the garage anyway."

"Hey Sam, give her a break." Rick said opening the door to his rental car. "She's been through too much and truly deserves to be happy. She never gets a break."

"Excuse me?" Sam asked. "I don't even know you man."

"Take a leap of faith, it will help you in the long run." Rick said softly. "She deserves it."

Leaving Sam befuddled and wanting more of an explanation he slowly climbed the steps of her front porch. With a slight hesitation, he knocked on the door softly and then waited.

She'd have to come eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam went to knock on the door again when she swung it open, the wind moving her hair over her shoulders.

"What do you want Sam?" She practically yelled, her face was blotchy from the tears that he'd caused.

Maybe she wasn't crazy, maybe he was her husband.

That would explain all of the feelings he had for a married woman, even if she was a widow, she wore their rings on her neck for God's sake.

He shot her a wolfish grin and took a step toward her.

"Keys," he held out both sets.  
"Oh," she muttered. "Is that all?"

No.

He lowered his mouth to hers; he tasted of coffee and something salty sweet that she couldn't put her tongue on. Their lips moved in tandem and his tongue teased her to accept him into her mouth. His palms slid down to her ass and they backed into the house, his hand pulling her up into his arms.

Not being completely Jim, he almost lost his footing as he brought her up the stairs, and her moan was absorbed when their tongues began to twine and duel, lazily at first, then with increasing neediness.

Desire kindling through every nerve in his body as he laid her down on her bed, the bed she shared with Jim, her husband. Maybe it would feel familiar.

He brought his mouth back to hers and his tongue licked along the roof of her mouth, thoroughly exploring the crevices as if he were tasting her for the first time. She whimpered and splayed her hands over the skin of his back; his right hand continued gently kneading her ass through the material of her dress to draw her closer to him. As their lower bodies connected, she moaned against his mouth again as she felt his erection pressing insistently against her.

He wasn't Jim in any sense down there, but he was close, close enough.

Sam's lips left hers and migrated down the slope of her neck, suckling gently at her pulse point and trailing his tongue along the skin before suddenly she felt him yank at the neckline of her dress and expose one breast to his eager mouth. She keened and arched her back when he rolled her nipple around on his tongue, teasing it thoroughly.

"Sam," she panted, struggling to open her eyes when he tugged down the rest of the stretchy dress and used both hands to rub and pinch at the taut little buds.

She had to squeeze her thighs together again at the ravenous expression on his face. Grinning, he kissed her roughly and resumed fondling her breasts.

"Oh…" She began to thrash, but he brought a finger to her mouth and hushed her, dragging her lower lip down to kiss the inside of it.

Melinda's stomach coiled, and she felt any reservations she had crumble as he gazed at her reverently, his fingers now pulling the dress over her head and throwing it on the floor. He raised one sweaty blonde brow at her, seeking permission, and she nodded wordlessly, licking her lips in anticipation as he gripped her panties and slid them down. With a quick shimmy of her hips, the panties fell to the floor. When he had her completely naked, he smirked and unbuckled his own jeans, freeing his cock from the confines of the denim.

"Are you—?" She gasped.

He silenced her with a kiss.

"Too damn hot for underwear," he mumbled against her lips, and she gasped again when she felt him between her legs, thick and ready for her. Hooking an arm under her right knee, he drew it up to his waist and they both groaned as he entered her. "Fuck, you feel good," he panted, placing his free hand on her hip to coax her movements.

Melinda managed to steady them both as he increased the intensity of his thrusts, withdrawing almost entirely from her before slamming back in, burying himself to the hilt.

It was an odd feeling, to be feel so familiar with him as Jim, and yet a stranger to Sam.

Sam slanted his mouth over hers again; an errant bead of sweat dripped from his brow and rolled down the valley between her breasts. He tightened his hold on her leg, angling her pelvis up to drive into her deeper. Melinda closed her eyes and threw back her head, her moan echoing throughout the house. When his hand left her hip to begin circling her aching center, she choked on his name and bucked into his touch. She felt the tension in her abdomen winding tighter with each stroke of his finger just above where he continue to pump into her, and though she fought the rising waves of pleasure, it wasn't long before her orgasm surged through her like a rip current.

He nipped at her ear.

"You're so beautiful when you come," he whispered, and found her neck with his lips, nipping there and leaving one or two scandalous marks.

He didn't know why he would say that, he'd never seen her like this before, but he felt as though he had. That he'd brought her this point of vulnerability more than a million times before.

"Jim," she whimpered as the aftershocks seized at her limbs. "Come with me."

The name hit him, his heart stopping and he didn't know how to react. So familiar.

To familiar. He had to be losing it.

He grinned down at her and screwed his eyes shut, quickening his paces until his thrusts grew uneven and he rasped her name in a sibilant hiss and spilled himself inside her. He pressed soft kisses to her sweat-soaked temple and gazed deeply into her eyes, both of their chests heaving and shiny with perspiration.

He smoothed the damp tendrils of her hair off her forehead and kissed her.

"I love you," he whispered, bringing her knuckles to his mouth and kissing them tenderly.  
"We can't do this. I can't handle this anything," she replied and her began to collect her own discarded clothes.  
"Melinda," he sat up and pulled his jeans up. "Don't be like this."  
"I can't be with you if you don't have faith in me." She yelled. "Go. Get out Sam."  
"Melinda?" She glanced up, and his smile was long lost. "I'm sorry."  
"Just go," she pushed him out of her room and closed the door behind him, falling to the floor with her dress in hand.

It hit her again.

She almost moved on. She almost forgot everything Sam had said to her. She almost forgot how little faith he had in her, in her gift.

But he wasn't him, he may have his memories hidden deep inside him, but until he could feel like Jim and think him, he wouldn't be Jim. He never would come close.

And that was something she might just have to live with, even if it killed her inside.


End file.
